KevBurnsJr

Usually my posts emerge naturally as a more or less cohesive synthesis of thoughts found nagging away at the back of my mind. I go to the place I find myself when my mind has slack enough to focus on something other than the present and let its gaze fall where it may. In the noise and confusion of the last few weeks, this usual buffer is so awash with uncertainty that when the inspiration comes to synthesize I find a marked lack of focus in my mind’s lackadaisical stare.

Pity. I have come to despise it. It is not easy to convey to someone that you feel no shame in your behavior without appearing to be a coward denying his own emotion. Yet they express their pity, empathizing with that which you are not. So how does one react? The politics of our culture would advocate a politely feigned heartfelt thank you. However, this reaction is an out-of-hand dismissal of the true intent of the expression; an attempt at empathy. When we can truly empathize with one another, we feel we are part of the same whole. When we feign empathy, we distance ourselves from one another.

It is easy to appear genuine to a child. The emotions of human beings become more complex as we mature. A newborn knows only hunger and sleep. It is not until much later that we are taught disingenuity and deceit. In fact we are indoctrinated with disingenuity from a young age. We are not taught to feel sorry, we are taught to say we feel sorry. Despite our feelings. We are taught to infantilize ourselves and those under our care. Homogeneity heralded as a virtuous and admirable trait.

If we are self-conscious, we choose how we express ourselves. We train ourselves over time to channel our emotions through laughter, silence or hatred. We choose to what degree we reveal these channels to those around us. We strive to do so with honesty and integrity, always staying true to the self.

Faced with misplaced pity do we shut down and mutter a feigned heart-felt thanks? Do we channel our discomfort through anger? Or do we recognize the attempt at empathy for what it is and belch a hearty laugh and a quip genuine response?

My first response to a new type of difficult situation is usually silence. I’ve learned from opening my mouth that I can’t assume anything about another person.

Next time I find myself in silence I will do my best to flip the interaction from disingenuous and sterile to something real and meaningful.

Breaking, mending and replacing these unhealthy cycles that ail us is what shamanism is all about.